Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Ok. Will someone please answer this question.... WHY MUST BUGS PLAGUE MY LIFE?

I hate bugs. Anyone who knows me knows that. This is the same person that worked and lived in the BigHorns for an entire summer, with bugs, spiders, and the like. Even mice ate my socks, however, I am now suffering from a form of phobia and neuroses caused be living with bugs. Some of you may be calling this ridiculous, and I will admit, it is at times, a little. But I must plea my case in telling you that I feel entitled after my experiences.

Apt. #1

The year is 1999 and I have chosen to live in Orem, UT. Not a bad choice, considering that anything seemed better than WY at the time. But after a couple of nights in my new apt. which was actually a townhouse down by the river (not be confused with a van) I retire to my bed to find *dum dum dum* EAR WIGS!!!! *SCREAM! yes.. lots of them. Earwigs are crawling around in my bed. Of course, I can handle a bug or two, but not in my bed. I killed the earwigs, one by one, and then crawled into bed after hearing my mothers voice in my head telling me to get over it. After a nights sleep, somehow, I awake to the sight of yet another earwig crawling across the pillow towards me. YES, my worst fears are coming to pass right before my weary eyes. A bug is going to burrow inside my ear canal and I'm going to go deaf and find the hatching egg sack when I go to the Dr. for a cure. I jump out of bed to find they are everywhere. I also was pleased as punch to find centipedes, spiders, and other creepy crawly things in my room, bathroom and living room. That place was a dump and it was so disgusting. I was able to get out of that gross place, but not until I faced the Wicked Landlord of the North and her Biology degree that proved there was no possibility of bugs in a bed. Moving on.

Apt. #2

Several years later, and after much therapy and soothing night sounds, I find myself, despite better judgement, moving into a basement apartment in Worland, WY. At first, it seemed fine. I told myself I might see a bug or two, but if the place was clean, and so it appeared, I would not have a problem with the gross bugs. This time it was Silverfish that kicked it off. All over the kitchen and bathroom. Yes folks, again, I found myself sobbing like a baby and swearing like a trucker as I began to clean them up. This time, keeping the dead carcasses for evidence. After many spiders and a return of my neuroses, I am trying to talk myself out of just abandoning everything I own and moving to a highrise in a cement village. Unfortunately for a person just above the poverty level, I could not afford that. More unfortunately was the moment I knew I had to call the landlord. The time was 11:00 p.m. and I was heading to bed. Closing the window so that I may sleep in peace and quiet, a spider ... HUGE AS LIFE jumps for my hand making a loud thud as it lands on the wood frame of the window. As big as a 50 cent piece, I scream, hoping the wake the old lady that lives above me and happens to double for the same woman in the movie Duplex with Drew Barrymore. Unfortunately, no one awakes and I have to kill the dang thing, abandoning my post as spider-watchperson and breaking the cardinal rule of "never lose sight of the spider". My landlord didn't believe me, but after a tearful breakdown, and the threat of moving out, agreed to have an exterminator come. This did not help much because after about three weeks, the spiders and their families were back in full force. I eventually moved out, but not until I paid over $300 in bills to have the pest control guy come back every month until October ... all summer! I believe the apt. has been vacant ever since, or at least it appears that way whenever I am home and drive past.

Apt. #3

So, the reason for this tirade... COCKROACHES! I live in Nevada now, and while I knew there would be a cockroach or two, I believe we have a problem on our hands. One or two in a week, I can deal with it. They are gross, but the explanation that they are coming in from outside when we open the door makes perfect sense because they are right there, waiting with their little feelers and their tiny gross brains that plan how to torture adults. (That is what they are thinking, I saw it on t.v.) But tonight, after seeing a HUGE one make a break for the kitchen my roommate attempted to kill it with a bottle of Lysol Kitchen cleaner. As she sprayed the darn thing, it sat and squirmed, probably laughing in and evil comic book comeback as if to say, you can try .... ha ha ha. When she put her foot down to stamp it, it crawled on her shoe, at which point she began kicking in the air screaming and I began screaming out of fear that it would land on me. Well, we cannot find the stupid thing anywhere. Either Lysol has a magic ingredient that disintegrates cockroaches (which I proved false later in the evening on another one) or that stupid thing is going to turn up somewhere. But either way, I'm sitting on the couch wondering why I'm not tired, and suddenly my keen sense and cat-like reflexes send my bug radar into overload. I look over and see a HUGE cockroach, not the same one, headed for my room. I go to the kitchen to get something to kill it with and see another one, peering out from the laundry room door. Well, it's clear we have a problem. I cannot tolerate this at all. I kill one with violent swings of my swiffer-wet jet, and trap the other under a plastic cup that I can see into. I dont' know what I'm going to do with this one, but the other is dead, and no, the Lysol didn't do anything to it except make it foam a little. I guess my landlord will be hearing from me tomorrow.

Have a great, bug free night at your house!


Anonymous Ann said...

GROSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! We are quite lucky here. But, I have my bug stories too. I was standing in my kitchen on a windy day. My keen bug senses kicked in too, except I didn't know what was happening until it happened. There was a huge gust of wind and I heard this sound on my front porch, so I darted my head that direction and wait....what is that? Could that be? (as I'm creeping toward the front door) my &*(%#^&*(!!!! There's a black widow spider crawling up the window next to my front door! All I could find was some old lame bug spray. Not for spiders. I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed that thing. It crawled and crawled and would not die! I couldn't smash it. I needed proof. After many long, panic-stricken minutes, it finally rolled onto it's back. Holy CRAP! I lived in an apartment once filled with small cockroaches. I never saw them during the day. But when I came home at night and turned the lights on, so many of them would run for cover it was audible. Yucky Yuck! P.S. I hear you can catch earwigs by putting and inch of vegetable oil in a tuna can and leaving it somewhere.

8:05 AM  

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